This is the thirtieth post.

Life has been going according to plan. I wonder if thats a good thing or a bad thing a lot of the time. right now I drove all the way to the Umass library at this late hour to print some stuff out as my printer has been shoddy lately, and now I have decided to blog a little bit as I waste more time. Its unlikely I'll be here past twenty or so minites, but I'll take the time I do have to write a little bit and get all of my readers, which I could more than likely count on one hand, updated in teh exciting life of Dan Hall.

so anyway, the days have been going by. Leaves are starting to turn to their autumn colors, which I really like. air is getting soemthing liek the hint of a chill in it, which is exciting for me. School has been going pretty well, classes are enjoyable mostly except for my mundane saumuri class. Unfortunatly its my most neccisary class as well, and I have to take it for the duration of the entire year. My favorite class is probably going to be Mexican history, onyl because I have a heaping, overflowing mound of respect for the professor. He exudes everything that I wish I could be in terms of ateacher. no nonesense, fun and direct. We need more like him, I think. donson is great as usual, but philosophy texts are really challeneging for me to read and comprehend. But, I'm certainly learning a lot. I hope so anyway. chinese history is very cool. their history plays out like some sort of fantastic roleplaying game or soemthing. Very epic.

Natalie and I went for a ride in the country the toher day adn we sw really cool old barns and abandoned fields and stuff. Well, they werent really abandoned, as there were obvious signs of agriculture amoung the greens and yellows of the land. However, the wide open spaces that I never associated with new england does exist in the foothills and forgotten gullys of Franklin county. I'm glad I live where I do. things with Nat are nothing short of awesome. Its great we can still be such awesome friends in the wake of all the awkwardness that transpired between us. I consider the salveging and then shining of our firnedship as one of my major successes in the recent history of me.

I'm trying to write more, because my ultimate dream is to be a writer and I really don't do enough of it to warrent dreaming such a thing. However, if I'm able to do it, I see no reason why I couldent become something great. all people who are worth anything beleive they are capable, and the difference is the reality of their assurtion. however, I'm not going to quit until my name is in print and my dreams become tangible, in the memories of my readers and the adventures carved out in my own mind. I have been on a horror and poetry kick, which are sort of opposites in my mind. Ones as campy and flase as you can get and the other, to me at least, is so obscure and poetic that it can't really be called art anymore than air could be called substance. Its more than that. but thats another blog post for another time, I guess.

the great gaping hole in my life is the lack of romantic love. There, its been said. this is the single, abysmall endless pit inside of me that is swallowing up everything else. I just want someone to love, someone to bestow all of this languished and wasted emotion onto. I realize she will have to be a fairly speacial girl to put up with all of me, but I can't help but pray that it will happen sooner or later. waiting is a slow torture, but I really hope its worth the wait. I know its whiney to talk of such things, but the fact of the matter is that I'm almost 22 years old and I've never been in an equivalent relationship of love and want. Its always been onc sided or unequally distributed, and thats no way to knwo waht love is. I don't really think I know what love is. and thats very upsetting.

The more I'm around people the more I'm dissapointed. I think its probably me, but I just cant comprehend the formation of people sometimes. It just wows me that all these...people who meerly exist and do not truly liver, who dip their toes into the stream of thought and no deeper...but I'm an intellectual snob and in fact no better than they. Whats the point of all this anyway? Rants are nothing.

Readers, I hope you think of me.

-DH

(there will be no spell check)

Philosophy and Hemingway and Octopuses and everything else.

One thing I'm really going to miss about college is the oppertunity to explore. And I dont mean this in just the intellecutal sense, like taking new classes and reading new books and what have yu. I mean this in the sense of exploring oppertunities, trying new things and reacting as a person, be it positive or negative. In all honesty, the beggining of the semester is always a little daunting for me, because I feel buried under work and ike my social life (if you want to call it that, really something in imitation of a social life) will be snuffed out. It is rarely the case. Umass has been a great place for me to grow as a person. I am better off for having come here, but I also know that my mind is still thirsty, and I'm worried, truly, that I wont have anything else to explore once I graduate. In a rut, so to speak.

So far my favorite class this semester is my 19th century german thought class, taught by my favorite professor, the only one im on a first name basis with at this point in my academic career, Professor Andrew Donson. Hes great, and the class seems like its going to be really interesting. Its full of people with opinions about things that are able to express themselves well, so I think heated debate and intense intellecutal growth is very feasible in there. The Empyricism of David Hume really resonates with me, but then there is the simple mathematical proofs that commits his theorys to flame. I'm basically an Empyricyst that believes in Math and perhaps a god. Interesting, huh?

My class with Elise is pretty cool too, although its not grounded in reality and I think thats sort of annoying. The guys a real charector, and he is finaly explosing me to Hemingway, a writer I have had embarrasingly ittle contact with up to this point. I'm very excited for that, because everything I have read by him I have enjoyed.

I met a girl on the bus ride home who was sporting a cool looking octopus tattoo. I got up the courage to speak to her. She told me all about it. As any of you know, the Octopus is my absolute favorite animal, so it was very coo to see one clutching stoicly to the fleshy arm of a near stranger. Made my day, really.


Its been a long day, and its only one. Evan is aparently going home this weekend, which means the room is all mine! I'm going to go wild, I think, haha.

Until tomorrow,

DH

A long time coming

Hey readers, thought to be extinct but proven to be alive and well. Hope all of you have done well in these past ten months. Mine have had their ups and downs, but lets just say I dont want to recount it one way or the other. The good times were great and the and the bad times were awful, but they were times, and more poignent to me in memory than they coud ever be expressed in word. I have started my senior year here at Umass, and its flooring. The passing of time is truly awe inspiring and cruel. Who knows what will befall me in the coming weeks, I know not what to expect. All I know it that its going to be exciting, and that there is a lot, a whole lot, that I must do. Should be interesting. I just moved into an apartment with Evan, Ashley and Jamie, and while I thought it was going to be a little bit questionable, I actually think its going to work out well. So thats good, living situation will be alright. Crowe is gone, and I actually miss the guy a lot. Sort of weird given our history, but time heals all wounds and we all look back on our experiance with fonder memories than the memories that actually happened.

Classes, experiance, adventure, wrap your arms around me, because here I come. I envy those just starting the journey, but I wouldent back tred. Here I stand.

History in the making and other cliches in action.

America has elected Barrack Obama as its next president. This is incredible. I am hardly a staunch democrat, but just from a racial perspective this is really ground breaking. Even 20 years ago, hell, even 10 years ago, this would have been impossible. It is time to see if the changes perscribed to America can be actualized, if the dream can be drempt. I am extreamly curious to see how all of this plays out, I feel like the next few weeks will be, more notably then before, iving history, a pagent of an adolescent America. Old wounds heal slowly, but perhaps we have the medicine now.

I watched the election in my friend Jaimes room with him, Natalie, Elise, Heather, Kyle and for a short time Jaimes girlfriend, Ashley. It was a pleasant experiance, but I never thought the election would end up being as one sided as it was. It really seemed as if Obama dominated McCain. Put him to shame. When it happened, and Obama was pronounced the president elect, I was in shock. Maybe its because my historical expertise lays in 19th century and 20th century America, not exactly a time of glowing race relations, but I feel like a black president is an incredible and nigh unbelivable thing. There are not enough words to really express how incredible this is, so I'll just let it sort of sink into the readers mind on their own.

America has changed, shed aside the tethers of slavery and oppression, or at least moved so that they stand in the shadowy background, and has become something new and hopefully better. Lets see how this all plays out.

School has been pretty good, been pretty happy lately. Went Cha Cha dancing randomly tonight, haha. It was awkward, as I kne wit would be. Then we had a very successful house council meeting, and then a late dinner and some leisure time. Working out has been good, I ahve decided to start doing more cardio then I am doing. I dont think I am very athletically balanced, and I need to work on becoming a better athlete overall. If my strength doesent skyrocket for a while, thats fine.

Hmm, mgiht be going to montreal this weekend again. Still not for sure, but I think I'd like to.

Thats all I feel like writing right now, but I do have a lot more to say. Next post, readers!

Its been a while, and I don't even like Staind.

Hey readers, its been to long since my last post, so I guess its time for me to resolve that and have a nice big post. I am currently in the library, listeneing to the same song again and again and pretending to study German History. Big test on monday. Should be ok, though. I know I am supposed to finish the story of the south, but that might have to wait a little while. Its alright though, I promise I will do it, and it sits eagerly in my heart, leaning forward toward the window of my mind in an attempt to get out. One can only be denied so long, haha.

So I went to montreal last weekend, and I love that city. I had an incredible time, it was honestly the most fun I've had in quite a while. The city itself is architecturally pretty cool, what with the french influenced buildings and old statues and stuff. The people there were different than any people I had ever previously encountered in my life. they were decidedly trendy to the max, and everyone was rocking scarfs. it was pretty entertaining. Lauren has a great apartment, her cat is morbidly obese, and the city is beautiful as the sun sets upon it. all in all, a fantastic time.

This week has been alright. not as good as I had hoped it would be, but I have been in amrkedly high spirits lately, so no reaosn to burst that enjoyable bubble, haha. But I had a lot on my plate past couple of weeks work wise. I had to do a presentation for Deans Book, which was not so bad but my poster was atrocious. It was embarrasing, haha. However, aparently the verbal aspect ofmy presentation was so impressive that it made up for ym alck of a poster, and my professor ghave me quite the compliment later on. She said I epitomise everyhting that a comcol student is supposed to represent, and tha tI was one of the most powerful speakers she had ever encountered. Made me feel pretty good, I must say. I don't mean to brag on myself, but it was jsut one of the ncier things I had heard in quite some time, so thought I would mention it.

After that, its just been a lot of studying for tests and stuff. Had one yesterday, and it went real well. I am thinking a mid to high A, which you can't complain about. I know my classes are coming to an end though, in the long term, and soon school will be voer forever. I sort of wonder how I feel about it. Sometimes I get sort of excited about the prospect of not having to do essays or go to lectures anymore, but other days it gets me phenominally nervous about the future. I sort of have a tenative plan for what I'd like to do, as discussed earlier in my blog, but I'm never certain about anything. so we shall see how it all plays out. iacta alea est.

Gym has been going ok. Bench is feeling good, squats are deifnetly improving. Nat has begun lifitng with me, which I think is really awesome. She has an unreal level of strength for her lifting experiance and gender. Oodles of potential, and I'm not just saying that. be interesting to see how strong she gets in the coming weeks.

I have started tutoring at greenfield middle school, although I have yet to actually tutor. It seems to me like im goign to be running recess and helping out with gym class a lot more frequently than sitting down for learning time. But thats fine, I just like chillin' wit the childrens. However, there are some really striking and somewhat concerning differences between Greenfield and amherst middle schools that I feel needs to be discussed.

So Amherst may not be a phenominally wealthy community like Weston or Sudbury or something, but there is definetly some money there. When I was tutoring at the school last year it was fairly obviious that these kids didnt go without very often. a lot of them had cell phones and fancy clohting and robot dinosaurs and model planes. Greenfield kids have nothing. they are obviously from a drastically different socio economic class, and its really kind of shocking to see how classism plays out in general. For example,. the kids jsut have a sort of resignation to them, like things are the way they are and they arnt going to impriove. I mean, i've only been there a lil bit but it seems like a community that is losing hope. The school itself is sort of filthy, the hallways are dirty and need a paint job. It kind of references the Malcomb Gladwell book The Tipping Point, which says thatthe upkeep of communitys are extreamly important to their overall development and mental image. for example, if you clean uyp a high crime negihboorhood and show that you have pride in it, the people there will have priude as well. this is certainly not the case in Greenfield. Its a mess.

Also, not to make fun of children, burt its obvious that the greenfield kids have not been exposed to the same sort of academic curricula that the amherstites have been. At amherst, kids would build trains and planes and automobiles and all sorts of exciting stuff. in greenfield, they wear camo and sing about lil wayne. just striking is all.

What else to discuss? I have been in incredibly high spirits lately in general. Been feeling real good about life. Way I figure it, there is nothing wrong with me and I have a whole life of great memories to make in front of me, so what is there to be sad about? Regret is a waste, the most useless emotion. However, I'll be honest, little things still set me off. I get down and out occasionally, but its been a lot less frequent. so thats good. I was a little down last night, and like usual I turn into some sort of a zombie and just lay in bed waiting for sleep to overtake me. It only rarely ever does. mostly I lay there and think, and thats never good. So I got up and went online and talked to gumbleton, who is my roomate for those of you who don't know. But happyness looms in horizons forthcoming, I'm certain.

I guess I could rant.

This sort of bothered me the other day, so I guess thats what rnating is all about, no? Anyway, I was reading a freinds facebook, and the first thing they had in their about me part was their major and intended career goals. Is that really, REALLY, the thing, first and foremost, that defines you? I should hope not. I am Dan Hall, and I am a lot more then a history major and potential education/museum worker. Honestly, if that was all I was I wouldent be anything at all. maybe this person just didnt think that there was anything else notewrothy about themselves, but it just sort of made me mad. People are a lot more then their careers. Its important to remember that careers are human fabrications. We are, first and foremost, animals with basic and primal aniamal needs. Remebering this should be how we define ourselves. I am not a citizen of the united states first, or a student, or an aspiring writer. I am a combination, an articulation rolled up into a strange sort of creation, of everything I have ever done, ever drempt, ever concieved. I am not something so base. neither are you. You are incredibl;y unique.

Another thing that bothered me was that Natty told me he was depressed because someone told him that every thing he would ever think has already been thought. that idea is ridiculous to me, its overly pessimistic and unoriginal. Perhaps in that persons brain thats true, but the human mind is a collection fo individual experiances, and can not, and should not, be thought of as the same as everyone else. People are not assembly lioned produced dolls. Each mind has experianced different things. There are no two people on this planet, in this or any other age, nor will there evr be, that have the exact same experiance. simply being in a different body, standing on different soil and hearing different words creates new experiances inside of ytourself. So don't think your ideas are useless because they have alreayd been thought of. nothing could be farther from the truth.

There is a phenominal quote on T-nation right now. I'll go get it for the quote of the day.

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


there we go.


should be an interesting weekend, I'll be sure to update. Pce.

This weekend's happenings up to this point. And a short reflection on physical decay.

First ad foremost, grammar is for wimps and I'll be cutting this post off around 2 this morning, at the latest. I have to take an hour long shower as part of a pact with myself. I'm going to give a brief summery of what I've done this weekend, while playing online poker and chatting on aim. So this may end up being sort of disjointed, but know that my intent is to inform and nothing more, haha.

So Friday is when the weekend starts, in my book. I don't really think there are many days that surpass Friday in grandeur. Anyway, I got to sleep in because one of my classes was canceled, so I did. Then I got up and did a little research on Dresden, before getting lunch and heading off to class. It was moderately interesting, but what else can you expect, haha. What does he even mean by that last sentence, especially the HaHa. Curious. Anyway, Ryan and Jim came up and made my weekend. We hung out that night and sort of got tricked into going to Karate practice. It was wild. Then we watched Iron Man and went into town for Pizza. Went stargazing briefly, it was enjoyable.

Saturday, we got up at ten and went to breakfast, meeting up with Elise, Clem and Lawrence at one point or another. We feasted, then made our way back up the hill, got in my car, and set off toward Holden. We got a little lost, but made it to Nat's house alright. We then climbed Mt. Wachusett, which was a lot of fun per usual. Way down was intensely beautiful. We got to hang out with Ozzie, who I am convinced is probably the coolest animal in the world.

After that we hung out at Nat's house for a bit, and made her lift some weights. She is freakishly strong for a girl her weight. It was startling. At the end of this post, I'll link you to a chart that shows you exactly how she, or anyone else for that matter, stacks up. It was impressive.

So after that we went to friendlys and had a long long long meal. It lasted a few hours. It was fun, though. We ate way to much ten went to Nat's house, chilled and played a medley of musical instruments, then watched momento. With teary eyes we bid Ryan and Jim adieu, and then ventured off into the night ourselves.

Time for my rant...I actually think I may have ranted about this before.

The death of the body in the shadow of the mind.

It sickens me to see people who think they are some sort of intellectual Juggernaut hide behind a computer screen and some thick glasses and act like they are better then the rest of us. In earnest, they are pretty pathetic. They cultivate their minds to the point that their bodies suffer in comparison. All those people who know how to dissect any argument, or have memorized countless facts about something, but are fat, skinny, weak, frail or what have you. In my opinion, its as important to have a powerful and healthy body as a powerful and healthy mind. Perhaps I'm a little bias being sort of a strength athlete, but its fuckin' pathetic to see people who , if it came down to it, would get destroyed in a fight by a lot of girls I know think they are anything special. For gods sake, have some pride in your capabilities and physical prowess. Its fine that you like to know things. I do to. I'm curious about almost every branch of knowledge. But to sit there and let your body, the place where your mind lives, die, is such a waste. Think of it this way. It's awesome that you have 100,000 Homeric hymns memorized, and can hack my computer, but if we got trapped in a small room together, I could rip you limb from limb. If we were outside, I could chase you down. Your a bi-product of an age that was never meant to be. Have pride in everything you do, learn, and think. Have pride in who you are, in the most complete sense of the word.

It's two-o'clock. Shower time.

I really think this will be good for me

I need this, I think. Man, I don't understand myself at all. But honestly, I don't think anyone really gets themselves. Perhaps the greatest mysteries are not the cosmic questions or origin stories and what have you, but the purpous, the idioscycrasies, of the human spirit? I can't tell you how often I look at my reflection and I have no concept that I m the figure that is staring back at me. I sort of think I oly exist within the mind or something. The body is just an extensio of the mind, right? But I also can't understand or percieve my own mind. I dont know what type of person I really am. Am I the net values I am judged as by others? Or is there some deeper truth to my persona? If an actor acts like a doctor his whole life, and everyone thinks him a doctor, is he really anything but a doctor? Man, messed up metephysical conundrums.

This is a good example of my moodiness I always talk about. I was having a pretty decent, if really busy day. Then all of a sudden, for no reason at all, I just violently switch to that which I am now. There ust be a trigger, but I haven't the slightest as to what it might be. School is going fine, im busy and enjoying being busy, working out consistantly. I have great friends and all the supposed awkwardness I was expecting this year never transpired. So why do I get like this? I realize im actually in a pretty privalged position, so in all honesty it only adds to my guilt to get like this. I'll blame it on hormones. Fuck Hormones.

I have started dieting a bit. nothing serious, just cleaning my stuff up. I was kinda getting a little fat, so its nice to not have that going on so much anymore. And honestly, it just feels cleaner and better to eat the way I do. Makes me feel like a well oiled machine that runs on whole wheat pasta and grilled chicken. haha, what an abomination.

I go to meet with the lady who wil be facilitating my tutoring experiance at Greenfield Middle School (henceforth refered to as GMS) tommorrow at 10 am. I'm moderatly excited about it, but ironically it sort of feels liek the first day of school again. Jitters. Should be exciting, and its entirely possible I'll be spending the next few years teaching there in some capacity, as one of the grad programs i am considering would have me placed there. so i will be good to establish some ties, and that all starts tommorow.

Man, I don't even have anything to think about. its just a void in my mind sometimes, a cesspool. I guess I'll talk about these cool banned books they had on display at the library. Apparently its Banned Books week here at Umass, and they had some interesting titles out for all to see. The expected "Origin of the Species" and Communist Manifesto were out, but there were some cool unknown books as well. Child of God by Cormac McCarthy is certainly on my reading list, and even though its supposedly extreamist feminist liuriture, I want to read Bastard Out Of Carolina as well. There were a bunch other, and it will be nice to have the word bug bite me all over again. I'll use the salve of interpritation to make it better, haha.

I'm pumped about Ryan and Jim coming up this weekend. Be a nice home coming for Ryan, I think. We are going to go to Nat's house on Saturday for a hike, which should be fun. She seems excited to see Ryan again. Ah, to reunite old friends again!

Tommorow night into Friday morning I will be on an intense mission to know all there is to know about the firebombing of Dresden, Germany. I have a big research presentation on that due on monday, and I'm going to try to get it all out of the way on Friday as to maximise the ejoyment of my weekend. so thats gonna be annoying, but its not like I'll have anything else to do, anyway. Probably gonna make it a marathon session in the library, work until the sweat is replaced by tears or something, haha.

I sometimes wonder who my true friends are, but then I grapple with the idea of what it means to be a true friend, and then the question of my status as a true friend comes into contention in my own mind. I guess I'll give you the run down of my friend groups, I believe I have about 4 major ones.

Here goes

Group one- Neighborhood friends/Basement- These guys I have probably speant the most time with out side of my mom. They all ahve their flaws, and so do I, but generally I feel pretty close to these guys. We grow o each other, and while I sort of believe I don't have that much in common with a lot of the themes of the basement, like video games and d and d and war hammer, I still love that place. These guys will always have my back, and I'll always have theirs. Its a fact.

Group two- The "Nerd Friends"- Sorry for the offensive title fellas, but you get the idea. Your mostly the people I went to high school with, who I bounced my ideas off of and heard echos that sounded like intellectualism. This is Tino, Wilson, Robie, Fogarty, Evan, ect. I don't see most of you guys very often, but I think of you a lot because your all cool people. While we have scattered like leaves in the wind, lets not forget were all from the same tree, you know? I'm not sure I have anyone in this group who I could confide in like I know I could in the basement, but you guys are awesome and make for a pretty powerful trivia squad, I must say.

Group three- The "I'm a year younger then dan and usually fairly athletic" group- This group is dominated by Kenny Adams and Jon Bishop, with some supporting roles from Pickett, Jerry Smith and Ryan Loring. Again, yall are pretty cool, but I wouldent know most fo you had it not been for Kenny Adams. Kenny and I have been friends for ages, and I do feel like ours is a lifelong friendship. jonny B has been a more aggressive friend, and I have abosulutly no problem with that. Its obvious that we get along, and I'm glad to have known him.

It just dawned on me that there are actually two other groups. so this entry will be slightly longer then anticipated. Bear with me.

Group 4- The Kate Stevenson Crew- I met Kate working at the library, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that she is not only the best, but the most amazing thing I ever found there. for those of you who don't know, Kates a superstar in every sense of the word. Smart, awesome, funny, ambitious, intellectual, down to earth, and my lil' sister in all but the blood sense. It has actually been an interesting and, surprisingly, somewhat painful experiance watching her grow up from a wide eyed 8th grader to some kind of---gasp---adult. I know she and I will remain close for the rest of our lives, and I am quite privalaged to have my existance seasoned with the greatness of her own. Through her I have met a bunch of cool people, like Steph Baima. There are more, but Steph deserves the next mention. Shes pretty sweet as well, and its refreshing to be around her because shes always going to speak her mind and tell you whats up. I don't mean this in the sassy kind of way, but more in the honest and poingent sort of way. Shes one of the better people I have ever come across. A few more people belong to this group, but Kate and Steph are easily my favorites. No offense to the rest of you nameless ones, though.

The final group, Group 5- School Friends- Is the most hotly contested in my mind. I have met a bunch of very interesting people here, but I have a hard time drawing the line between friend and aquantence. for example, I know Natalie and Elise are my friends. I know Clem is my friend, and Crowe and Eli and Marra and Pickett. Kelley and Rebecca are friends as well. I am not certain about some of the auxillary charectors. But enough of the negative, lets talk good. Some people here at school are pretty awesome. I can thank Natalie for getting me into Hiking, and Clem for making me a better magic player. Crowe and Pickett provide me with a lot of entertainment as well. I hope, and believe, that the friendships I have cultivated here at school will withstand the test of time. I certainly hope so, I know they have withstood lots of problems in the past. Heres to a bright future!

Thats all for the time being. I feel considerably better, but better is not good.

PS: I'm extreamly excited about something in November, but more on that later.