This is the thirtieth post.

Life has been going according to plan. I wonder if thats a good thing or a bad thing a lot of the time. right now I drove all the way to the Umass library at this late hour to print some stuff out as my printer has been shoddy lately, and now I have decided to blog a little bit as I waste more time. Its unlikely I'll be here past twenty or so minites, but I'll take the time I do have to write a little bit and get all of my readers, which I could more than likely count on one hand, updated in teh exciting life of Dan Hall.

so anyway, the days have been going by. Leaves are starting to turn to their autumn colors, which I really like. air is getting soemthing liek the hint of a chill in it, which is exciting for me. School has been going pretty well, classes are enjoyable mostly except for my mundane saumuri class. Unfortunatly its my most neccisary class as well, and I have to take it for the duration of the entire year. My favorite class is probably going to be Mexican history, onyl because I have a heaping, overflowing mound of respect for the professor. He exudes everything that I wish I could be in terms of ateacher. no nonesense, fun and direct. We need more like him, I think. donson is great as usual, but philosophy texts are really challeneging for me to read and comprehend. But, I'm certainly learning a lot. I hope so anyway. chinese history is very cool. their history plays out like some sort of fantastic roleplaying game or soemthing. Very epic.

Natalie and I went for a ride in the country the toher day adn we sw really cool old barns and abandoned fields and stuff. Well, they werent really abandoned, as there were obvious signs of agriculture amoung the greens and yellows of the land. However, the wide open spaces that I never associated with new england does exist in the foothills and forgotten gullys of Franklin county. I'm glad I live where I do. things with Nat are nothing short of awesome. Its great we can still be such awesome friends in the wake of all the awkwardness that transpired between us. I consider the salveging and then shining of our firnedship as one of my major successes in the recent history of me.

I'm trying to write more, because my ultimate dream is to be a writer and I really don't do enough of it to warrent dreaming such a thing. However, if I'm able to do it, I see no reason why I couldent become something great. all people who are worth anything beleive they are capable, and the difference is the reality of their assurtion. however, I'm not going to quit until my name is in print and my dreams become tangible, in the memories of my readers and the adventures carved out in my own mind. I have been on a horror and poetry kick, which are sort of opposites in my mind. Ones as campy and flase as you can get and the other, to me at least, is so obscure and poetic that it can't really be called art anymore than air could be called substance. Its more than that. but thats another blog post for another time, I guess.

the great gaping hole in my life is the lack of romantic love. There, its been said. this is the single, abysmall endless pit inside of me that is swallowing up everything else. I just want someone to love, someone to bestow all of this languished and wasted emotion onto. I realize she will have to be a fairly speacial girl to put up with all of me, but I can't help but pray that it will happen sooner or later. waiting is a slow torture, but I really hope its worth the wait. I know its whiney to talk of such things, but the fact of the matter is that I'm almost 22 years old and I've never been in an equivalent relationship of love and want. Its always been onc sided or unequally distributed, and thats no way to knwo waht love is. I don't really think I know what love is. and thats very upsetting.

The more I'm around people the more I'm dissapointed. I think its probably me, but I just cant comprehend the formation of people sometimes. It just wows me that all these...people who meerly exist and do not truly liver, who dip their toes into the stream of thought and no deeper...but I'm an intellectual snob and in fact no better than they. Whats the point of all this anyway? Rants are nothing.

Readers, I hope you think of me.

-DH

(there will be no spell check)